somebody mispronounced dirk’s name as derp today

derp strider

derp strider

derperistical:

andtheysaidhello:

It is an absolutely terrible smell and it surrounds you. It infiltrates your home and your clothes and your hair and it refuses to leave.

Jake says it smells like freedom, like adventure and the unknown (because he doesn’t know how to swim). Jane says it’s beautiful, sparkling and clear, going on for miles in a never ending wash of teal blue. Roxy doesn’t know about it at all, though she imagines it like a giant margarita, an expanse of water with the most luscious little sampling of salt.

You want to scream, you want to tell them that they are all wrong because it could never be that, it could never be something good, or beautiful, or promising. It surrounds you like a prison, it keeps you isolated and so very, very alone and damn it all if it will ever be beautiful.

The smell permeates everything, it clings to your home and your clothes and your skin. You work and work and work to get it off, scratch yourself until you bleed, tear at your clothes and your hair and fuck it even your tears taste like it. Your showers are always long, it is the only water that doesn’t reek of the smell of loneliness, doesn’t hold the smell of salt and decaying fish and even then the smell doesn’t leave you. The water is too hot and leaves your skin in a red flush. You still taste it, though, even when you trap yourself in the tiny little cubicle of the shower, even with the only clean water making your skin such a vivid red.

There are welts from your scratching, your scrubbing, and you’re manic in the way you work the lather all over your body, and it hurts, fuck it hurts, and it’s so completely and utterly useless and still you try. There is hot water running down your cheeks, hotter water still from your eyes, and it always tastes so salty. And always makes you aware, that no matter what you do, you are still very, very alone.

hoLY

SHIT OH MY GIJSDJWOI

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